


Out

by InsideMyDarkHeart



Category: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 05:04:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6360676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsideMyDarkHeart/pseuds/InsideMyDarkHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Was it all coming to an end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out

**Author's Note:**

> This is Chriska RPF. Yo have been warned, if you do not like fic with real life pairings stay away

She wanted out. Wanted out of the show, out of New York and out of the sham she called a marriage. Most of all, she wanted her best friend back.

Mariska is sitting in her trailer. She had returned for season 16, against her better judgement. Her husband had talked her into it, reminded her they have three kids and he doesn’t always have regular work.

So she is sitting here wondering what fresh hell did they have in store for her character this year.

She was sick of keeping up the pretence that working on the show was rewarding and challenging. The last time she had threatened to walk Leight had offered her a directing shot.

She admits it is vanity that made her accept. She had wanted to try it for a long time. Plus it would give her and excuse to head to LA for post production work.

Mariska had also found her enthusiasm for the foundation she had brought to life starting to wain. It wasn’t the actual work that they did but more the galas and functions she had to attend.

It had been the 10th anniversary a few months back and she had been so excited. Leight had convinced her to invite the currant cast and the writers and even though this annoyed her she did it. She didn’t care because the one person she wanted to see, wanted to celebrate this achievement with would be there. Chris would be by her side.

Or so she had thought. Two weeks before the even she had sent him a text. She had told him how mush she was looking forward to seeing him and that she was missing him. 

He had returned her text asking if she was coming to LA. At first Mariska thought he was joking but when he didn’t send another text she had called him.

He told her that he hadn’t received an invitation to the Gala. She was sure it had been an oversight she assured him. She told him that she would make some phone calls and get back to him.

So Mariska had called Maile who told her she wasn’t sure of the guest list. So then Mariska called the PR people for the event.

They broke her heart. Her husband had informed them that under no circumstances was an invitation to be sent to Christopher Meloni.

She had called Chris straight away in tears. He had tried to calm her down but she was so pissed off. She was going to confront Peter and she told Chris there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

She had gone home that night and tore through Peter. She screamed at him, how dare he go behind her back. How dare he tell everyone that her best friend is not to be invited?

Peter had claimed it was because him being there would distract from the event itself. That people and press would only ask from “Chriska” pictures and when would Stabler return to SVU. Peter had told her that even Warren had agreed it was for the best.

They had made the decision behind her back. She looks at the photos now and can see her “game face” is well and truly on. Smile for the cameras, answer the questions, hold her husband and die a little more inside.

In the end, yes the Gala got publicity but the articles all seemed to lead with “Alec Baldwin attends…”. The foundation seemed to get a token mention at the end.

She loves Alec, they have been friends for years but she does wonder if Chris had been there would it have gotten more attention? Even if they were asked the regulation SVU/Stabler/Benson questions?

Mariska knows it is common knowledge in Hollywood circles that she and Chris had a fling back in the earlier days. It had been very passionate and very hot and heavy.

They hadn’t tried to hide it on set. His open marriage was known about. She had seen other women on set as they disappeared into Chris’ trailer or dressing room. When they re-emerged they looked dishevelled but content. She would wonder what he was like in bed.

They had hit it off straight away, even in the casting call. While waiting for their turn, she and Chris had laughed and flirted the entire time. They didn’t realise that they were being watched; Dick Wolf had seen the interaction between them and knew they would be perfect.

During that first season they had flirted and played off each other so well. She loves watching the behind the scenes footage on You Tube. Chris had explained about his marriage to her one night late on a shoot but he still didn’t make a move.

At that point Mariska had thought he wasn’t interested in her, maybe se just wasn’t his type. Although, anything seemed his type, she had seen nearly every female assistant, runner; you name it, go through his trailer.

Until the night of the first season wrap party. Both she and Chris had been drinking, celebrating the completion of the first season and the fact that it had been renewed for a second.

They had been dancing, completely oblivious to any other person in the room. Sherman, Chris’ wife, hadn’t attended, he gave some excuse but Mariska suspected he didn’t want her putting a dampener on his evening. 

The dance floor was full forcing their bodies closer. Not that either of them minded. He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him. Chris gave her a smirk as she looked up at him.

Mariska had wanted him so badly. Looking back n that night she knows alcohol had helped, it had lowered her inhibitions, finally allowing her to take the chance she had wanted to so long ago.

She smiles at the memory of her grinding her hips against him. She thinks he was a little shocked at first. Maybe he hadn’t expected her to be so forward.

Fuck he had felt so good. He had sung her around so her back was to his chest. He put his hands on her waist and manipulated her lower body. She had reached her arms up and hooked them around his neck. 

Their bodies had moved in time with the music, but the intention had changed. She used her hands to pull his head to her neck while thrusting her arse against him. She could feel his hardness pushing against her.

He had actually nipped at her neck out on the dance floor. He had then whispered to her how much he wanted her. One of his hands went from her waist and worked its way down her leg, teasing the hem of the short emerald green dress she was wearing.

He had swung her around again to face him as his hand slowly slid back up her leg under the hem of her dress. She pushed against him, almost daring him to grab her arse right there in front of everybody.

He had groaned out loud as she pulled her body from his, but she had grabbed his hand and dragged him off the dance floor into the only slightly private place she could think of…the restroom.

She loves thinking back to that night. They had barely made it into the stall before they had attacked one another. 

His hands had grabbed the zipper on her dress and he had yanked it down exposing her body to him. The noise he made when he saw her is something that can still turn her on to this day. Mariska had deliberately not worn a bra and the thong she had on left nothing to the imagination.

Chris had fucked her senseless that night. He had her up against the door of the stall slamming into her hard. If anybody had walked into the restroom they would have been under no illusion of what was happening behind that door, and with the volume they were shouting each others names, they would know exactly who was there.

The next few months had been frenzied. Even though it was the off season they saw each other as often as they could and each time was more intense than the last. They were both desperate for the season to start so they didn’t have to sneak around as much.

Even though his marriage was open they still wanted to be discreet in public and trying to meet off set ran the risk of being caught out. She wasn’t a huge name at the time but Chris had been starring in Oz which meant photographers could be hanging around.

Filming the second season had been fun. The show was getting more recognition. She and Chris had started to do a lot more press to promote the show. They would play up to the interviewers a lot. 

That’s when people had started to talk about their on and offs screen chemistry. Both she and Chris already knew this; their chemistry in bed was off the charts. The more press they did, the more popular the show became.

The down side of this was keeping their relationship under wraps. It was getting harder and harder. Where they had previously just checked into hotels under fake names, the popularity was preventing that now.

Their solution had been simple in the end. Around the third season they bought an apartment together, close to the set. She knew Sherman hadn’t been too pleased at the idea, but Chris always gets what he wants.

They started spending more time with each other after that. Any excuse would do. Whereas she didn’t have a partner at that time so she was free to do as she pleased, Chris would constantly have to make up a reason for not going home. He would claim a late shoot, or early morning and they would just stay at the apartment together. 

They had both begun to notice that it wasn’t just about sex anymore. Mariska had tried to pin point it, when was the exact moment they had fallen in love?

She is jolted from her thoughts by a knock on her trailer door and an assistant shouting to inform her she was due on set in 15 minutes.

Mariska grabs her phone and sends a text to Chris, just one simple sentence but one she wants him to know, I miss you xoxo. She puts her phone back inside her coat pocket and gets ready to head the set. 

She walks out of the trailer, hoping the fresh air will compose her. She has already had her hair and make up done so she didn’t want to mess that up before the shoot.

XXX

Before they finish shooting for the day Mariska calls Peter and tells him she won’t be home tonight. She says it’s going to be a late night, but in reality it will be the earliest she has finished in days. She wants to stay at the apartment and just be alone. 

Even after they stopped their sexual relationship they kept the apartment. It had a couple of bedrooms so they just picked a room each. It made sense to hang onto it; they still had late shoots to contend with. They hadn’t got rid of it when Chris finished up on the show. He had just converted the third bedroom into an office, using that as pretence to hang onto the place. He still had a space he could do business in when he was in New York.

She throws her bag to the floor, first retrieving her phone. Chris had returned her text not long after she had gone on set. She wanted some privacy before she opened it. She slides open the lock screen and reads.

I miss you too Mackie. Is everything OK? I am going to try and get back to NY in the next couple of weeks. Can’t wait to see you xoxo

Mariska walks to his bedroom, he had decorated it tastefully. He had photos of the kids up and even a couple of the two of them at one of the wrap parties. No pictures of Sherman. Then again in her bedroom there were no pictures of Peter, just her kids. 

This was the bedroom they had shared when together. The nights she spent in the apartment alone she would sleep in his bedroom. Mariska had never told Chris that. Even though the sheets had been washed time and time again she swears when she lays down she can still smell him. 

She sits on the edge of the bed and re-reads the text. He had only just been here a week or so ago. They had met up a few times being careful not to be seen. Not because anything was going on between them but because the show runner didn’t want anymore selfies or photos showing up on social media sites. He believes her being seen with Chris distracts from the show. She thinks it’s a load of shit, but he is her boss. 

They had met up before she and August had gone to the US Open. He was staying in the apartment so it had been relatively easy. August had been desperate to see his Uncle Chris; it had been a while since they had caught up. Mariska laughs, thinking about the photo he had put on Instagram, his new doo-rag. She and Augie had been there when he took the photo. 

She loves his smile in that photo; he had sent it to her phone too. She goes to her gallery and brings it up. He has such a warm genuine smile. August had been making him laugh when he was taking it. She has a couple of other photos from that day, one is Augie running behind the desk and snatching it off Chris’ head as he took the photo. The expression on them both is priceless.

Mariska decides to have a shower and hop into bed. She isn’t hungry, she just feels drained. She quickly showers and gets under the blanket in his bed and sinks into the pillow. She grabs her phone to return his message.

I’m OK, just a shit few days. Staying in the apartment tonight, need a break. You’ll really be here in a couple of weeks? I can’t wait; it feels like we are apart way too much. How are the kids?

Mariska deliberately doesn’t ask about Sherman. When he had been here they had talked, he told her things weren’t great. He hated being in LA, he was a total New Yorker and he missed it. Sherman on the other hand loved it out there. He understands that’s where a lot of the work is, but he missed the atmosphere. The kids seem to like it but he believes Dante and Sophia would be fine anywhere. 

Laying there in his bed brings back so many memories. She remembers when she told him about her first date with Peter. Mariska had come back to the apartment after Peter dropped her home. She knew Chris would be staying there. They had slept together that night. She had believed at this point that nothing would come of the date.

Chris had been possessive that night. He hated when she went out on dates. They would always end up together on these nights. He would brand her, suck on the skin of her neck until it was purple. He would nip and bite her flesh, leaving as many marks as he could, just in case she did go on another date, he wanted them to see that she belonged to someone else. Usually there wasn’t another date.

He had fucked her the second she walked through the front door. He was on her, slammed her against the wall and kissed her hard. His hand was already working on the button and zipper of her jeans as she was pulling his t shirt over his head.

His hand was in her panties, feeling her wetness. He could turn her on so quickly it surprised her. He had growled as he ran his finger up her slit, parting her folds. She bucked into his hand. She remembers him asking her if it was all for him or did “The Kraut” have anything to do with it.

She had smiled as she told Chris it was all him, no other man could get her worked up so quickly. He responded by shoving two fingers deep inside of her. She unzipped his pants and pushed them over his hips letting them fall, and then began working on his shirt buttons. 

Finally she had him naked in front of her, his body was amazing. She knew Chris was proud of it, showed it off as much as he could but she was still in awe every time she saw him like this.

He had pushed into her hard, her back slammed against the door once again. He felt so good inside her, so good that she hated thinking this is what any man has to live up to. 

She was so close as he fucked her, she rose her hips to meet his every thrust. The orgasm building inside of her was so intense she thought her legs would give way. When it hit, she had screamed his name loudly, she had hoped the neighbours weren’t home. He wasn’t long behind her.

Mariska remembers they just stood there for nearly twenty minutes, trying to catch their breaths before they had dragged each other to his bedroom and spent the whole night making love. 

The next morning on the set had been interesting as Peter was still filming with them. He had seen her in the make up chair and had watched as the girl had to apply extra concealer and powder to the areas of her neck that had been marked.

Peter had asked her if she had slept alright because she looked tired. Mariska hadn’t been able to look him in the eye when she answered. Peter had watched Chris as he crossed the set. Mariska knew without looking that he was giving Peter a smug look, letting him know that he was the reason they both looked so tired. 

Surprisingly it hadn’t put Peter off pursuing her. He had asked her out again, and she found herself saying yes. She wasn’t sure why she had agreed to it, he was nice but she really hadn’t seen it going anywhere.

Her phone beeped, she knew it would be Chris replying. She rolled over to grab it from the bedside table. It brings a smile to her face as she reads.

Kids are fine. Sophia keeps saying how much she hates LA, pissing Sherman off no end, I swear she is channelling her Godmother. Dante is quieter about it, but he missed NY, I do too. Has something happened? Warren shouting orders again? I will sort him out for you when I get there(. Mackie, anytime you need to talk let me know, I will be there, either in person if I can or on the phone. You’re right, we are apart too much. 

Mariska hasn’t realised it at first but she is crying now. She looks at the smiley face; Sophia must be teaching him how to use his phone, the same way she had taught him Twitter and Instagram. She wipes the tears from her eyes and brings his name up on her phone and hits the call button.

Chris answers almost immediately. He just listened to her breathing, waiting for her to speak.

“I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have called you like this.” She finally says.

He can hear the tears behind her words. She seems to be like this more often these days, she doesn’t seem happy.

“It’s OK Hun, this is what I’m here for. Talk to me, Mackie, tell me what’s going on?” He pleads.

“I don’t know, Chris. I’m just sick of everything. I hate the thought of going home, going to work. There is no respite anymore. The set always feels tense, I go home it’s the same thing” Mariska is holding back the tears.

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Chris. I don’t want to keep pretending I'm happy when I’m not. Don’t I deserve to be happy?” Her voice wavers.

He can hear the deep shaky breath she has taken, he knows she is going to cry and he hates that. 

“Mackie, I’m gonna go and pack a bag and catch a flight out tonight, OK. Then when I get there we can really talk. You shouldn’t have to do this over the phone.” He is walking to his bedroom as he talks to her.

He pulls out some clothes and starts throwing them on the bed as he waits for her to answer.

“I can’t let you do that Chris, what about Sherman? She will be pissed if you tell her you’re coming back here so quickly.”

“Don’t care, Mackie, I’m coming. I can tell there is more to this than your saying. We need to talk, it’s been a long time coming but you know I’m right.” He tells her.

She sighs, of course he is right. She admits she doesn’t really care what Sherman thinks, she needs him here with her. 

“OK, we will talk. I’m gonna try and get some sleep, Chris. Text me with your flight and I will make sure I’m here waiting for you.” She tells him.

They hang up and she tries to settle back down into the pillows. She is still thinking about the argument they had that led to them stopping their relationship.

She and Peter had been dating for a while at that point. He had never asked her about her relationship with Chris. Mariska had figured it was a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” mentality. It was well known that she and Chris were having sex, but nobody apart from the two of them knew how deep it ran.

Chris and Mariska had both used the love word many times, it was true, they did love each other. If they had met under different circumstances and he wasn’t married they both admit that this relationship would have progressed a lot further. 

Chris knew she wanted kids, desperately now. She was still seeing Peter and he had been hinting about getting married and starting a family. Truth is she was scared, she had feelings for Peter but did she love him? In a way she did, but not in the way she thought you should love someone to want to get married. 

Peter had proposed to her though and for some reason she found herself saying yes. They had celebrated that night. The press loved them, true love found on set the interviewers would say. True love found, yes, but not with whom you would think.

The argument had occurred in his trailer. They had been filming off set that day and during the lunch break she had gone to tell him. Mariska had felt so nervous; she didn’t know how Chris would react. Even though she was dating Peter their sexual relationship had continued throughout. She knew the fact he had proposed was going to change things dramatically.

She had walked in and she couldn’t stop the tears from falling before she even opened her mouth. Chris had known straight away, he walked to her and wrapped his arms around her and she just cried.

He had told her that it had to end. If she truly wanted to be happy and give the marriage a go then they had to stop. His marriage was different, he reminded her, it was open and both he & Sherman were free to come and go as they pleased. That had hurt her for some reason, she asked if that was all she was, just a convenience when his wife was out with someone else.

Thinking back to it all, Mariska knows they needed to have a full blown argument to stop their affair. She hates that word, affair, because she never thought of what they were doing as that. If anything she had felt her marriage was the affair and she was betraying Chris.

Yes they had stopped sleeping together but it didn’t mean their feelings had changed. They still loved each other deeply. She had expected Chris to go back to his old ways and start screwing every female on the books, but unless he was a lot more discreet than they had been, it didn’t happen. 

That day in his trailer, they had argued and shouted more than they ever had. He had tried to tell her that she wasn’t just another conquest. He was angry that she would even question that after the things they had said to each other, she knows that. It was their way of being able to let go.

She had shouted that she wanted a normal life, she wanted to be a wife and mother and that it was something he could never give her. She was just a quick fuck for him. She had hated herself for saying that to him. She knew it wasn’t true. 

She stormed out of the trailer and that had been it. They hadn’t spoken out of character for the next three weeks, no interviews, no texts, no phone calls, nothing. They would meet on set, do their scenes and leave. Everybody working there knew something was wrong but nobody dared bring it up.

Of course the second the news of her engagement got out everybody clicked. Some of the staff would look at her with pity, some were happy for her. Every single member of the cast and the production team knew why the set had been so tense.

They could use some time apart she figured, he could spend some time with his wife and she could get used to the thought of being with someone else. It had hurt; the non communication had just about killed her. Peter knew something was going on but every time he had tried to talk to her about it she shut him down.

Sleep hadn’t come easy for her, all the memories she was dragging up was making for a restless night. She tossed and turned, kept checking her phone to see if Chris had text her. Nothing yet. Mariska sighed and rolled over once again, this time to stare at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 3.25am. She had to be up in a few hours. 

She heard a noise, a key being turned in the door. She knew it was him. That means he had finished the phone call with her and was on the way to the airport in the space of maybe half an hour and he was on one of the later flights back to New York. 

Lying there she heard him knock on the door of what is supposed to be her bedroom, she listened to him whisper her name. Not getting an answer she could hear him walking towards his room, wheeling his suitcase. 

Mariska heard the bedroom door opening and in he walked. She sat up in the bed so he knew she was there. 

“I was worried you had left” He whispered as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Sorry, sometimes I’m more comfortable in your bed than mine.” Mariska tells him.

She lies back down as if to emphasise the point. Chris gets up and goes to stand at the head of the bed. He looks down at her and brushes the hair from her face. 

“I’m gonna go and sleep on the couch, try and get some rest Marish OK.”

She sits up again and grabs his hand before he can leave. He turns to look back at her.

“Stay, I don’t want to be alone Chris. Just stay here with me tonight, please.” She asks, realising how pathetic she sounds.

He doesn’t say a word, just slips off his jeans and t shirt and climbs in next to her. She turns to face him and before she realises what she has done she moves closer to him and wraps her arm around his waist and lays her head on his chest. He moves slightly and puts his arm around her so she can tuck herself into him more comfortably and wraps his other arm around her waist, pulling her in close. She finds herself more rested than she has in a long time, she thinks as they both drift off.

They are awakened by the noise of her phone ringing. Mariska sighs and pulls herself away from Chris to grab it. She looks at the caller ID, groans and then answers.

“Warren…..yes…..no I’m not coming in. why? I don’t feel well so I'm taking a day. Look I’m hardly in this episode, let the others shoot their scenes and I will do mine later. Fine, I will be there tomorrow but I am not coming today.” 

She throws the phone back down on the bedside table and throws her head back into the pillow. Chris turns to face her; she looks at him and smiles. 

“Guess you’ve got the day off?” He smirks.

She sits up slightly and faces him, nodding her head. Mariska moves closer to him and he stretches his arm out so she can use him as a pillow again. She doesn’t lie down though. 

Mariska just looks at him, laying there. God she has missed this so much. She starts drawing lazy circles on his chest with her finger and watches his reaction. He has closed his eyes but she can see his Adams apple bobbing up and down, he is nervous. 

“Do you want me to come to the set with you tomorrow?” He asks her, trying to ignore the sensation she is causing him.

“Can you imagine how well that would go down?” Her voice is low and throaty. “Leight has already spat it now, how would it be if photographers started taking photos of you and I on set?”

“Well he has already banned you from our selfies shots.” He murmurs. “Get a bit of publicity going, make people think Stabler is coming back. We might be able to give him a heart attack.”

She smiles, knowing he is making jokes but in reality she wants to work with him again. She misses those days on set together. 

“Do you remember my wedding day, Chris?” She asks.

He looks up at her, puzzled at her question.

“Of course I remember it, Mish. You looked absolutely stunning. Why do you ask?”

She stops her finger on his chest and flattens her palm against his heart feeling it beat.

“Do you remember how hard it had been for us up to that point? We were hardly talking. When I got to the alter, the first thing I did was find you. I was so scared that you weren’t going to be there.” She whispers.

“Mack, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, hun. I know things were shit, I fucked it all up big time, but I would never miss the chance to see you on your wedding day.” He tells her.

Mariska has tears in her eyes; she has wanted to tell him this for years but had always been too scared.

“The thing is, I was standing there with Peter, and all I could think was how I wished it was you standing here with me. I wanted it to be you who spoke those vows to me. It was you putting that ring on my finger and telling me you loved me for all eternity.” She sobs.

Chris pulls her into his chest and holds her as she cries. He runs his hand through her hair and strokes her back with the other.

“Mariska, I wanted that too. When we danced together, I held you close. Do you remember the song, Hun?” He murmurs against her ear.

She nods her head. She had been standing talking to Hilary when she heard it start, she knew instantly he had picked it out. Reason one, only he knew how addicted to Elton John she was, and two, he had whispered words from this song into her ear one night as they lay together.

There was a time  
I was everything and nothing all in one  
When you found me  
I was feeling like a cloud across the sun

She had turned her head and could see Chris walking towards here. There were a few couples out on the dance floor and she knew what was coming and smiled. He had held out his hand to her and asked if she wanted to dance and she nodded her head.

He had held her close as they moved on the dance floor, she felt as if they were the only two people there. She wanted so badly for this to be their wedding dance, for him to be gliding her around the room as her husband. She nuzzled her head into his chest and he again whispered the words in her ear as they danced.

I need to tell you  
How you light up every second of the day  
But in the moonlight  
You just shine like a beacon on the bay

She is crying harder now just at the thought of it. She runs her hand against his bare chest and he pulls her even closer.

“I always imagined you and me dancing to this song on our wedding night Mackie. Just you, me and our song. You know I never stopped loving you, even when we weren’t talking, I never stopped.” His voice is faltering.

She is sobbing now. She doesn’t want him to ever let go. The dance is replaying over and over in her mind. It was the closest they had been since their fight and now here in bed it was the same. 

“You looked so radiant; everything about you was just perfect that day. I was so jealous of Peter.” He whispers against her ear.

And I can't explain  
But it's something about the way you look tonight  
Takes my breath away  
It's that feeling I get about you, deep inside  
And I can't describe  
But it's something about the way you look tonight  
Takes my breath away  
The way you look tonight

She can hear him breathing, feel him against her ear. She can hear the song lyrics in her head, the feel of his arms wrapped around her both then and now. She wants him so badly, not just sex, not a fuck, she wants him forever. In the end, that’s all she has ever wanted.

Mariska raises herself up and slides onto him. She straddles his body and leans into his lips, capturing them with hers. His arms slide up over her legs, to her thighs then around her back pulling her closer. Chris opens his mouth and their tongues collide. 

He reaches underneath her tank top to feel the bare skin on her back, as he slides his fingers across he can feel the goose bumps forming. He pulls his hands out and grips the hem before pulling it up. Mariska sits up so he can slip it over her head, he groans at the sight in front of him. 

She leans back down and kisses him again, it is more urgent this time. She grinds her hips against his erection, loving the feel of it. His hands once again go around her back but this time he flips them over so she is underneath him.

He smirks at her as he comes back down and places butterfly kisses along her jaw, down her neck and along her collarbone down to her breasts. She moans as he flicks his tongue over one nipple sucking it slowly into his mouth. His hands slide down her body, one landing on her other breast, teasing her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. 

Mariska arches her back pushing up to meet him. Chris continues his journey down her body, hooking his thumbs under her bed shorts and slides them down her legs. He kisses his way back up to her thigh.

“Couldn’t be bothered with panties last night, huh, Marish.” He moans into her leg. She wants to answer him but finds her breath being taken away as he buries himself into her aching core. 

She had never really been comfortable with oral, even now it’s not something she and Peter do often, and it is usually only so she will reciprocate, almost like he is trying to give her a hint. With Chris though, it was always about giving her as much pleasure as he could and he never expected it in return.

God was he good at it; his tongue slid the length of her slit. She was so wet already, he always did this to her. His tongue swirled around her clit and he slowly slips one finger deep inside her, grinding his palm against her. 

He kept up the pressure on her clit while deliberately keeping the motion of his finger slow as he added a second. Even after all these years he still knew how to work her body. He knew exactly how to bring her to the brink so quickly. 

He quickened his pace slightly as he heard her breathing hitch slightly. Her hips were rising to meet his fingers as he started to suck hard on her clit. He could feel her muscles contracting around his fingers.

“Don’t stop, Chris. I’m there, I'm already there…” She whimpered as she exploded around his fingers.

He slowed down his movements and gave her clit one last lick before he slid his fingers out of her. He makes his way back up her body, peppering her with soft kisses until they are face to face.

“Mackie, do you want this?” He asks her quietly.

“Yes, yes I do, Chris. More than I ever realised.” She tells him, nodding her head.

He rests his forehead on her chest and she feels something against her skin, he is crying. She takes his head in her hands and pulls him back up to look at her.

“Chris, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to regret this, regret us.” He tells her.

“Chris, I will never regret you. I’ve loved you from the moment I met you and I will still be loving you when I take my final breath.” They are both crying.

“This is more than a quick fuck, we both know that. It’s always been more for us, Chris.” She pulls him back down and kisses him.

He enters her; they both groan at the sensation but don’t break the kiss. Inch by inch he buries himself deep inside her. He caresses her cheek as they pull apart to look into each others eyes.

He increases his speed as he thrusts into her. Her hands claw at his back, she really doesn't care if she leaves marks. She wants everyone to know he is hers; she wants to shout it from the bedroom window. He has the same idea it seems, he is nipping at the soft skin of her collar bone, then soothing it with a kiss. 

“God, Chris I’m so close, harder.” She moans as she thrusts her hips to meet his.

He moves his hand between their bodies and finds her little bundle of nerves, slowly rubbing it, helping to push her over the edge. She came hard around him, and it didn’t take long for him to follow her.

They lay together for a little while longer. It is the noise of her phone that again brings them back to reality. She looks at the ID and can see it is Peter, she answers it trying to sound as normal as possible.

“Hi…oh ok. Yep, that sounds good……….I will be home in an hour, we need to talk before you go. Ok, bye”

She looks over at Chris, wondering if she can go that one step further to finally be happy. She hasn’t been in love with Peter for a long time, not the way she is with Chris. Even after so many years apart, the feelings have never changed. 

“I’ve got to head home. Peters mum called, she wants him to take the kids and go visit for a few days while I’m filming.” She tells Chris.

Mariska is about to slide herself out of bed when Chris reaches and takes her hand. They just look at each other; he rubs his thumb over the top of her fingers.

“It will be ok Mackie, I promise.” He says.

“I’m going to tell him its over, Chris. I can’t keep doing this anymore, I've fought it for so long and I just need to be happy.” She whispers.

She slips her hand from his and walks to the bathroom to shower and get ready. She comes back into the bedroom and Chris is no longer in the bed but she can hear the sound of the coffee machine and knows he is preparing something for her to take. 

She walks to her “official” bedroom and goes to the closet. Looking at the clothes she realises that she has started to dress more like her character off screen. Their personalities seem to have blurred into one. She now wears black and white, so much more than she ever did. 

Mariska sighs; she used to wear bright, outgoing clothing years ago. The black she figures symbolises her feelings, the white, trying to find some light to the darkness in her life. She quickly grabs a pair of jeans, cami and a light sweater and walks out to the kitchen.

She stands and watches him for a moment, he hasn’t bothered to get changed yet, just put his boxers on. He turns around, knowing she is watching, and just smiles. She walks to him and wraps her arms around his waist. This is the way it was supposed to be, she thinks. He holds her close.

“I filed for divorce, Mack.” He tells her quietly.

She pulls away and looks at him, shocked. She had no idea it was coming. Yes they had been having problems but she didn’t think it was to this point.

“When?”

“About three months ago. I wanted to tell you when I was last here, but you looked pre-occupied and I didn’t want to add to whatever was going on.” He replied.

Chris hands her a travel mug filled to the brim. She is thankful for it. 

“We will talk about this later, Chris, OK? I’ve got to go and try and sort out this mess I call a life, but we do need to talk about this.” She sounds forceful, but at the same time glad that they are finally confronting things.

They walk to the front door of the apartment, she grabs her keys and purse before she opens the door she turns back to him.

“What does this mean for us? Your in the middle of a divorce, I am about to tell my husband of 10 years that we are over. What is going to happen?” She sounds scared.

He pulls her close to him and wraps her up in his arms. She can feel his heart beating against her face and it feels so secure.

“This is our chance to finally be happy. That part of our life is ending, but the one where we can really be together is just beginning. It’s our time now. I love you Mariska.” He murmurs against her ear.

They break apart and he kisses her, soft and gentle, but she can feel the love he has for her and she hopes like hell he knows she feels the same way.

“I love you too, Chris. More than I have ever loved anyone.”

He opens the door for her, gives her one last kiss and she walks towards the elevator. She rides down to the garage level and walks quickly to her car. She thinks about her kids, August is 8 now so he will have more of an understanding of a divorce but the younger two should be unaware. They will still have Peter in their lives; she just can’t be with him anymore. 

 

She gets in her car and drives home.

XXX

She arrives at the house and drives through the gate. She can’t get out though. She sits in the driver’s seat and cant help but think back to the day she had told Chris she was pregnant.

Their relationship had improved. Once she started the Joyful Heart Foundation properly after the wedding she couldn’t help but share her elation with him. She had felt like she was doing something worthwhile and he vowed to support her every step of the way. Chris and Sherman had attended functions, donated time and money and even helped with fundraising.

Mariska had a suspicion she was pregnant but didn’t want to say anything to Peter until she was sure. They had been trying for a while but to no avail so she didn’t want to get his or her hopes up.

She had taken a home test during the lunchbreak while filming. The stick came up with a pink plus sign, pregnant. She couldn’t believe it, the overwhelming emotion hit her and she began sobbing. The last two times she had suspected being pregnant the tests had shot her down immediately.

Chris had knocked on the door of her trailer, bringing her something to eat. She had let him in and noticed straight away the redness in her eyes. He went to her and just held her in his arms

“Mackie, what’s wrong?” He had asked her.

She couldn’t speak, shocked at the result. All she could do was show him the stick she still held in her hand.

“You’re pregnant? My God, honey, you’re gonna be a mum.” He wraps her back in his arms. He is beaming.

“You’re gonna be a mum, Marish.”

She nods her head and whispers into his chest, “I’m gonna be a mum.”

She comes back to reality and sighs as she gets out of the car. She had wanted Chris to be the first to know about her pregnancy and it was just pure luck he had come to her trailer at that exact time. He always knew. 

She walks to the front door of her home and steps inside. She can hear the kids upstairs, running around. She assumes that their nanny, Sarah, is helping them pack for their little trip. She walks down the hall to the living room, finding Peter siting on the couch. He looks up and smiles, she tries to return it but she knows she has failed miserably.

He stands and walks to her, concerned.

“Is everything alright, Mariska?” He asks.

She takes a deep breath and suddenly remembers all the things that have happened recently. Him banning Chris from the gala, also requesting he not come to Hawaii for the JHF anniversary. She knows that Peter has always been jealous of Chris and she can’t blame him. He had always known they were close, but everything he had done had pushed her closer to Chris than ever before. 

“No, everything isn’t alright.” She sighs as she runs her hand through her hair and walks towards the centre of the room.

“Things haven’t been ok for a long time. I’m not happy anymore Peter. I don’t want to come home at night. I don’t want to keep pretending everything is wonderful when its not.” She looks at him trying to gauge his reaction.

He wasn’t looking in her direction but he is nodding his head.

“Chris.” He says

Its one word, but as he utters it he turns to face her, looking straight into her eyes and can see her reaction immediately.

“What?” She is shocked at his statement.

“Sarah came bounding in here this morning saying her friend at the airport who runs one of the car rental places called her to say Chris had rented a car from her in the early hours of the morning.” 

He turns and sits on one of the couches, before he asks her something he wishes he didn’t have to.

“How long have you been sleeping with him?”

”Peter, it’s not like that..” She starts to say, but he cuts her off.

“The hell it isn’t. I always knew you guys were close in the early days, sharing little jokes, touching all the time. I never asked because I didn’t want to know, but now I am. How long have you been sleeping with him, Mariska?” His voice is slightly raised now.

“We were together up until the night you proposed to me. After that we stopped” She can’t look at him.

“Then he came back last night because I called him in tears. I didn’t ask him to fly out here but he wanted to. Nothing had happened between us in over 10 years until this morning.” She tells him.

“You are telling me that you slept with him today for the first time in ten years and you expect me to believe that? I actually thought after he left the show you would forget about him.” Peter shouts at her.

“Peter, the kids are upstairs ok, they don’t need to hear this. Yes, nothing happened for ten years, if you believe that or not that is up to you. The day after you proposed I told him, we had a fight and we agreed it had to end. I am not going to stand here and lie to you and tell you it was a mistake, and that it shouldn’t have happened.”

She walks to the couch opposite Peter and sits but puts her head in her hands.

“What I am sorry for is hurting you and our children. Yes it should not have happened this way, but it was going to happen. I’m in love with him, I always have.” The last part she whispers to him.

“So that’s it then, ten years of marriage down the drain for what? So you can go off and fuck your married ex co-star? He says, bluntly.

Mariska debates telling Peter about Chris ending his marriage. Peter deserves to know, especially since it will become public knowledge soon enough. Chris has always been a private person; she is surprised the press haven’t got hold of the news already. Once word gets out that she and Peter have separated it won’t take long for people to put two and two together.

“He is getting a divorce.” She says quietly. “He told me this morning.”

Peter glares at her. 

“Before or after you fucked him?”

She is getting sick of this now. She knows that she has hurt him, more than she ever intended to in her life but she wants to be rational about this.

“Don’t OK, just don’t. I am sorry I've hurt you, deeply sorry. We need to talk about this like adults and not just shout insults.” She shouts at him.

“I am going to go upstairs and spend some time with my children before you guys head off. Maybe it will do us all some good being apart.” She tells him as she turns towards the stairs.

“You mean it will give you more time to spend with Chris?” Peter spits.

Mariska doesn’t turn to face him, she is done now.

“I will call our lawyer and publicists. Get a statement drawn up and have it released. I will get them to write it is amicable but in the end you are free to make whatever statement you would like to after that.” She sounds defeated.

She starts to climb the stairs, before adding, “We can talk to the kids when you return. Let them enjoy their time with your parents. August is the only one who will really understand what is going on anyway.”

With that she walks up the stairs to see her three beautiful children. Sarah has them all in one room, packing their little suitcases. Peter has followed her up and they both just watch from the door. 

Silent tears stream down her face, she turns to move away but Peter stops her and pulls her into his arms. She lets him take her into the corridor so the children and Sarah can’t see.

“I’m sorry, Peter. I am so sorry. I never meant for things to end this way.” She sobs into his chest.

“I know. As much as I hate that this is happening, I know.” He is crying too.

They make their way into their bedroom and close the door quietly. She sits on the edge of the bed and he goes to the closet looking for the suitcase. He places it on the bed and starts to gather his clothes.

“I won’t fight it, Mariska. Whatever you want to put in the press release, I won’t argue against it. We both have a public image to protect. Letting things get dirty is no use to any of us.” He tells her.

“Thank you.” She whispers.


End file.
